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With all of the advice out there, dating can get pretty complicated. Everyone has a formula, method, technique, or approach for dating and relationship success. While all of this dating advice can be helpful…it can also become confusing and overwhelming.

Given that, when planning to date, it pays to start with the basics! Sure, all of that detailed advice is helpful later on. To start, however, it is best to have a firm foundation in the simple and powerful steps that lead to dating success.

In this article, I will indeed share with you these basic principles. I will also include links to my other writings for more information, elaboration, and tips. Read on for simple solutions to the complicated world of dating!

To make dating simple, just focus on the following steps…

1) Know What You Want (and Are Willing to Give)

Dating and relationships are social exchanges. They are a trade. Beyond the feelings of love – people partnersuche online kostenlos ohne anmeldung are looking to get some sort of needs met. So are their partners.

Despite that fact, many people go into dating blind. They don’t make a plan. As a result, they often end up not getting what they need – and settle for what others simply choose to give them, or nothing at all. After all, if someone doesn’t know what they want…they shouldn’t be surprised that they don’t mysteriously get it.

Given that, it pays to know what you want before you start dating. It is also important to know what you are going to give back to others in return. Be conscious of what you are trading as you interact. More than anything, clarity on those issues lead to dating success.

For more on this topic, see:

2) Look and Act Your Best

Everyone wants someone to love them for the “real” them. They want others to see them for who they really are inside. In reality, dating doesn’t quite work that way…

No, everyone doesn’t have to be a supermodel or bodybuilder. But, if they are horribly crabby or smell like an old gym bag, then it is unrealistic for them to expect others to hunt for the “real them” inside either. There may be more to a book than the cover – but the cover convinces people to read it in the first place (or leave it on the shelf).

So, in dating, it pays to put your best foot forward. Again, no need for the plastic surgeon. However, grooming, getting some nice clothes that fit and flatter, smelling good, and staying healthy, all go a long way. Similarly, a pleasant disposition is very powerful, not to mention a touch of masculinity or femininity (depending on who you want to attract). Frankly, people like being around others who are pleasant – in looks and disposition. Tending to these details can make all the difference.

For more on this topic, see:

3) Read and Use Body Language

Most dating fails because people don’t read the signs. Every day, people send off a million non-verbal signals. Many of them say “please talk to me”, “you’re cute”, “pay attention here”. Others clearly shout “get lost”, “not you”, or “today is a bad day”.

Unfortunately, most people are so illiterate when it comes to body language that they miss the invitations of others (or warning signs). They also fail to send the right signals themselves. If you’re walking around tense and grumpy like you want to wring someone’s neck – don’t be surprised when that cute person you’re crushing on doesn’t come up and say hi!

The secret then, is to learn to read and send the right signals. Also, it is essential to be conscious of what other people are saying through their actions, not words. Learning these skills will go a long way towards knowing who to  flirt with and ask out. It will also help attract others as well.

For more on this topic, see:

4) Be Brave

As Virgil said, “fortune favors the brave”. Dating also favors the brave. Unfortunately, many people are scared, avoidant, and unsure. As a result, many others are deprived of meeting that special someone – because he or she was too shy to say hello.

Truth be told, deep down, dating is a numbers game. You will most likely have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a real princess or prince. Your first love will most likely not be your last. Therefore, the more comfortable you are being social, making acquaintances, and facing rejection – the more likely you are to get the love you’re after.

Overall, dating success is a direct result of how courageous you are. Learning to face rejection, approach others confidently, and date without fear are all key. Even if you are looking for “one and only”, you will most likely sift through many to find them in the process. So, it can be beneficial to get out there and be social.

For more on this topic, see:

5) Ask for What You Want

Whether it is the first date, or the 100th, you have a better chance of getting what you want when you ask for it. However, many people sit around and passively hope. They hope someone will notice them. They hope someone will ask them out. But, hope is not influential, persuasive, or even very effective.

Ironically, asking is VERY effective. For example, one study found that 68% of single men and 43% of single women said yes when they were asked on a date by a stranger of average attractiveness. Others have confirmed this finding.

This approach can be particularly helpful to women, who often resort to a more passive role in dating. Again, studies show that they meet with success the majority of the time, if they simply ask for what they want. So, don’t be a wall-flower. Ask…and you might just receive!

For more on this topic, see:

Conclusion

Dating doesn’t have to be a mystery. It doesn’t even need to be complicated. It just takes a bit of thought and effort – and a touch of courage too!

So, if you’re struggling with dating, or are making it far too complicated, just follow the steps above. Keep it simple. Go be social. Offer and expect a fair trade. Ask for what you want. With a little effort in those areas, you will be pleasantly surprised… mann sucht frau münster

Please leave me your thoughts. Share, like, tweet, and comment below.

Until next time…happy dating and relating!

Dr. Jeremy Nicholson

Photo: Love by catlovers at Flickr.com

© 2011-2012 by Jeremy S. Nicholson, M.A., M.S.W., Ph.D. All rights reserved.

Blake Lavak's advice to women is 'sleep with him on the first date – give him what he wants and he’ll be hooked'. Photograph: Denkou Images / Alamy

Do you know how to own a guy, catch a man, or bag a boyfriend? It’s a delicate art: you have to lay the traps just right, create the optimum environment and lure him in with your feminine wiles, your carefully honed technique, tried and tested by the 21st century’s most prominent sociologists.

Use just the right combination of about his mother, his future goals and his childhood. Time your sexual encounters perfectly. Be wary of your finances, especially how your wage packet might impact upon his ego. Make him feel like he’s in charge. String him along. Invest in a few pieces of expensive lingerie, because don’t say marriage. Ingratiate yourself with his friends, but make a big deal out of giving him alone time with them. And when the time is right, make that ultimatum.

If you’re confused about how to do this, you’re not the only one. But now a man called has written a much celebrated romantic instruction manual called. His advice is simple: don’t wait for a man to ask you out. Put yourself out there, be proactive and chat him up first. On your first date buy him dinner to show that you’re financially in control. Don’t wait for him to call the next day: get in contact to thank him for the night. And sleep with him on that first date – “Give him what he wants and he’ll be hooked.”

This is all well and good, but of course totally contradicts the advice of, by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, which has been lauded as the go-to self-help relationship book since 1995. These rules advocate playing hard to get by hardly ever returning calls, never talking to a man first, and staying away from sex for as long as possible (limiting yourself to a maximum of “casual – as opposed to formal – kissing” on the first date). You always let him take the lead and pay for dates.

Is it possible that so much has changed on the dating scene in 20 years that the new formula for success is the complete opposite of the old one? Of course not. Any idiot knows that following these guides to the letter will doom most people to failure. Like men who believe they can sign up to and appear on the red carpet alongside a supermodel in six months, women who adhere to advice like this are being taken for an expensive ride. But that doesn’t stop us hoping.

What these sorts of advice books really exploit is a universally desperate desire to simplify human communication. If people had sofort mehr dates frauen online anschreiben to admit that relationships are basically intricate sets of compromises dependent on luck, looks and lifestyle, then half of us probably wouldn’t even bother getting out of bed every morning.

And when I say people, I mean women. Because, let’s face it, keeping a relationship happy and healthy, or cultivating one at all, is still seen as a female domain. We’re all suffering from a Victorian hangover that tells us that women belong in the domestic sphere of wifely duties and men don’t really have time for all of that, unless they’re looking for a bit of arm candy. This attitude also presupposes that women aren’t naturally sexual creatures with libidos of their own, but instead can use sex as some kind of bargaining tool against their unwitting male prey. That’s why “catching your man” books aimed at women far outnumber their counterparts marketed at men.

Women’s magazines are also packed with articles that mirror this outlook – written mostly by female writers. It’s as if these journalists suffer from social, in love with the society that fences them, as evidenced by their endless decrees about how to look, how to behave and how to manipulate if you want to find a man (and God forbid you might want to find a woman). Unfortunately, there is only one relationship rule that ever really works.

Just kidding. There aren’t actually any at all.

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3 Comments

Zahra Doejune 2, 2017
Morbi gravida, sem non egestas ullamcorper, tellus ante laoreet nisl, id iaculis urna eros vel turpis curabitur.
Zahra Doejune 2, 2017
Morbi gravida, sem non egestas ullamcorper, tellus ante laoreet nisl, id iaculis urna eros vel turpis curabitur.
Zahra Doejune 2, 2017
Morbi gravida, sem non egestas ullamcorper, tellus ante laoreet nisl, id iaculis urna eros vel turpis curabitur.

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